I had hoped my return to blogging would have been documenting my getting back into theatre, but as that journey has been temporarily postponed (and my fingers are still itching to write something), I thought I’d go another direction. I have hopes that I will still be able to write about theatre (watch this space), but obviously going to rehearsals is not an activity that should be taking place at the moment. Don’t worry though, I’m still keeping that part of me very, very active, but more on that later.

It feels like 2020 has been a rather large mess and as Malcolm Tucker would say, omnishambolic (if you’ve never heard this word before, please watch The Thick Of It ASAP). It doesn’t feel like March, nor does it feel like a month ago I was living a busy life of going to work during the day, rehearsals at night, attending NBA basketball games, and looking forward to various things that seem trivial now. I saw someone tweet that they were tired of living through a historical event, and I’ll be honest, this historical event doesn’t even really feel real some days. Something about dissonance and distance (both mental and social) has coated everything with a slight haze that makes me feel like we’ll wake up and everything will be fine, right? I’m well aware that isn’t the case, and I’d be lying if I said that I’m not frightened about the future at the moment, but I’m trying to stay positive, and take things one day at a time, which is easier some days than others. I know that personally, I’m scared (of many things in this situation), and that does not help getting through the day when I get too in my head, which is more often than I would like.

Due to a combination of stay at home orders, and being temporarily laid off from work, I have found myself at home for much longer than I have really ever been at home before. I will admit, when faced with the idea of endless Netflix binges, and little work responsibility, I was initially excited. A couple of days in though, I’ve started to realize how much I miss leaving the house, and how repetitive the days can become. There’s a constant nagging in the back of my head that I’ve been on my computer too long, not been outside enough, or that I’m not doing enough to consider myself productive. I know that in order to conquer the next (at least) two weeks, I need to put less pressure on myself, and re-evaluate what a productive day actually looks like. I’m trying to stay away from social media because overconsumption doesn’t help the low grade anxiety that is always there, and it can be really easy to go down a rabbit hole of disheartening news headlines and articles, but avoiding opening those apps is a little easier said than done.

I’m no expert on handling this, but my first line of defense has definitely been music. If you’re looking for some calming tunes, I can recommend Lewis Capaldi and Ben Platt. Both of these artists have been on repeat for the last month for me and they’re very good at lowering my heart rate. That being said, being a bonafide theatre person, I’ve taken this time to truly take center stage in one woman productions of the classics. If James Corden called me up to do Carpool Karaoke when all of this is done, I would be excellently prepared for that. My lip-sync game is also going to reach new heights, I guarantee it. Mamma Mia is the current favorite, but by the end of this, that might change, who knows, but it’s a definite mood booster (I mean honestly, try singing Waterloo in a mood, it’s harder than you think).

As if lip syncing weren’t enough, I’ve decided to get back into dancing as a way to not only get all the nervous energy out, but also as a way to stay in shape since gyms aren’t open at the moment (and also to not let down my Fitbit, obviously). Some of it is me trying to (once again) put on my own shows by learning choreography off of YouTube, but I’ve found some good cardio workouts as well that have reminded me that dance is a full workout and something I should be doing way more often. I’m partial to 567Broadway which offers the perfect combination between dance, working out, and BROADWAY (this should be said with a side of jazz hands). Important reminder though: ALWAYS STRETCH. Staying at home has a way of making me feel way more stiff than usual so I’m trying to stretch daily to not feel so tight and feel like I’m still in show mode (yikes my thoughts seem to be all about theatre, oof). It’s also just relaxing to do some stretching, in my opinion.

I would be lying if I said that I spend my whole day working out, or getting fresh air, or doing things that would otherwise have me feeling productive and healthy. I freely admit that I have spent a decent amount of time binge watching. I’m currently running my trial on Disney+ and I have already watched Frozen Two, The Mandalorian, High School Musical: The Musical: The series, and some of Encore (no, I’m not divulging how long I’ve got left on the trial). Please send me any further recommendations that I can add to my list so I can emerge from this well versed in film and television. Well, at least the Disney content.

Sitting on my computer for hours on end can sometimes feel saddening, but I have found an upside to it: FaceTime! With more people staying at home, and me having more free time, I’ve been able to catch up with friends in all time zones and that is something that always manages to brighten my day! I always crave conversations, virtual or in person, and in a time where we’re actively told not to go out and meet others, I don’t want to limit myself to only texting (although that can be a meaningful form of interaction, don’t get me wrong). I mean, we even had a rehearsal on ZOOM before everything really ramped up, so it’s good to know that things can still happen, even if not in the way we always expected them to happen.

I fear that I’m rambling, but it is a definite time of unknown, and even a minimal exercise like writing all this down has provided a small amount of distraction for the world outside my house. I know I’m young, and that should be encouraging in terms of my future, but it’s daunting to think that I could be permanently without a job in the next two weeks, and trying to find employment in an industry that was severely impacted by the pandemic is a little disheartening. I’m constantly vacillating between overwhelming myself by searching for jobs, and remaining optimistic about my current position. I’ll admit that I try not to spend too much brain time on it, but it is always a small thought living in there. In between the cleaning and the constant hand washing, I’m trying to focus on accomplishing something every day. Maybe that sounds mundane, or juvenile, but I want to be able to say when I go to bed that I did something with my day. Yes, some days that will probably just be “I watched 15 Netflix episodes and put two puzzles pieces together,” but other days will have longer lists. I just need to come to grips with the fact that the next x number of weeks won’t have a normal feeling, and as such, they shouldn’t be treated with normal expectations. Yes, our lives have been upended, but we can still find small ways to put things right side up.

I don’t necessarily have a conclusion to this piece, and I know that my thoughts far outnumber what can possibly be put down on paper (or typed out on screen, as it were). With the extra free time on my hand, I do want to find a way to get back into blogging, and other things that have long been on my list of “one days.” I may not be successful at it all, but who knows? I feel like there’s an unspoken pressure to be prolific in some way during this period, but this is uncharted territory, and there’s no guidebook for how we as individuals should handle it (which is probably another factor in the stress of it all). Here’s hoping we can see the other side of things soon.