If you’re a theatre person, you’ll understand when I say that I feel like that bit in “I know it’s today” where Sutton Foster just belts out “the waiting, the waiting, the WAIIIIIIITING” at the moment. For everyone else, it’s a song from Shrek the musical and Fiona is singing about being stuck in her tower her whole life. My waiting is not that extreme, but it certainly does feel long. I made a decision to document my experience with TAPIF this time around more, and this is my attempt at doing so. I feel like it may be boring to read, but not only am I trying to get my writing skills up to snuff for whenever I can get to doing more (which hopefully won’t be too long from now), but also because this year’s program is taking place during such extenuating circumstances. We’re truly navigating uncharted territory, and while that’s always an element of that within the program, this is on another level.

This program is a lot of hurry up and wait, especially in the stages before actually getting to France, and this element has certainly been exacerbated by the current situation and travel restrictions. After clicking accept on my initial acceptance email at the end of June, there was radio silence* from the program until 14 July (Bastille Day, ironically). An update! Okay, more like a check in, but at least it was some kind of communication? It was basically an email letting us know that they’re monitoring the travel situation (nothing concrete there), and that our dossiers were being sent to France, and to expect communication from our schools either within the next two weeks, or in September. Yup, you read that right… SEPTEMBER. This is because the French will be on holiday from late July until the end of August, so if your arrete doesn’t come in before they leave, you’ll be on hold until September, which is an added stressor. Honestly, classic French behavior, but it does elevate the heart rate a bit. I do want to mention that this time frame is not abnormal during normal years – there are many assistants who don’t get their arretes until September, but usually the process starts earlier than mid-July. Now I’m just crossing my fingers and toes that my school will send me my arrete before they go on break to at least alleviate one element of this very lengthy waiting process.

Usually, there’s all kinds of buzz on the Facebook group about when to book flights, when the ball will get rolling in terms of assignments, and people already planning for their many travels during the eight weeks of paid holiday (yes, eight weeks, pretty lush). This time, the group is filled with posts asking about the visa situation, quarantine regulations, and whether the program will actually run. Currently, work visas are not being issued, and are not under the exemption list of Americans allowed into France. As such, American assistants are not guaranteed entry in France to even begin the program at this point, which is definitely a cause for stress. I completely understand France’s perspective with not wanting to let citizens from the US in what with how the situation is being handled here, but at the same time, it was the French government that hired the assistants in the first place. Wishful thinking I know, but I’ve already had the rug pulled out from under me once with an international job this year, I don’t know that I could handle the disappointment of it happening again. As such, we’re all in limbo waiting for news from France, or any updates that will give clarity about our status as workers in France. I’m lucky that I don’t need a visa because of EU dual citizenship, but ironically, that doesn’t immediately allow me entry into France, either with the current travel restrictions and parameters. If things don’t change, I will have to fly via the country of my dual citizenship first to gain entry into the EU, then onto France, which is an added layer of fun in the journey of finding flights. Lastly, there’s a big question about quarantining – will it be required? Should I quarantine at the airport? Do I need to arrive in France two weeks earlier than planned to accommodate for that? I’m mentally preparing myself to quarantine currently because I don’t want to be the American that causes France to shut down entirely, but those kind of questions are evidence of how different this year of TAPIF is going to be, and the kind of questions participants are having to ask. It’s daunting enough to move to another country under the best of circumstances, now I also have to think about how I could provide food for myself during a two week quarantine without interacting with anyone (amongst other things). It’s enough to make you second guess your participation, and whether it’s a *smart* thing to do in light of everything going on in the US and the rest of the world.

I’m hopeful that my next update will contain information about my actual school placement, and hopefully better news on the situation of getting over to France. I’m already doing my research on acquiring masks (loads and loads of masks) for life in France, and for the 15+ hour journey over to Europe. If anyone has any advice on how to reduce my anxiety about the flight itself, I would gladly welcome it. I know that I’m approaching the situation with some ambivalence, and much as I want to be over the moon excited about going to France, I worry that I might not be doing the right thing by going over there. I may be escaping the way the US is handling the pandemic, but is that fair of me to escape to France and put the onus on them? That being said, I worry that if I stay at home in the US, I will still be unemployed, isolated, and with no change in my situation from where I am now. Going to France is directly in line with my goal of ending up in Europe, and working there, and I’d be lying if I said that I’m not thinking about the benefits of being there for that goal. It’s definitely a conundrum in some ways, and what I wouldn’t give for it to be more straightforward not only for me, but for everyone else taking part in the program. It’s very much a day by day situation, and that goes for my mindset towards it all as well.

So here we are, back to more waiting and waking up every morning hoping for an email from France. I’m not sure if this update is really beneficial for anyone or more just a brain dump of my own, but it’s occupied some time and deviated my brain away from all the (many, MANY) thoughts I’m having about France. I’m trying to remain cautiously optimistic amidst it all, and while I’m not getting my hopes all the way up, I’m not letting them fall either.

*Side note: I would just like to clarify that communication with TAPIF is fairly absent always. The lack of updates is not inherently due to the pandemic, and it’s important to know that this is the same situation I had when I participated in 18-19. Between my acceptance in April, and leaving for France in September, I probably got three or four emails, so this in no way is something new, but is definitely something that can be frustrating about the program… especially during a pandemic.